Dear Zinedine Zidane,

As one of the 1.2 billion people who watched you turn your head into a human projectile in the 110^th minute of the World Cup Final last night, I thought it’d be only right to send you a note to let you know just how damn cool of a move that was. I mean, Zidane, you’re the captain of your team, in the last game of an illustrious career in spikes (31 career goals for France, right?), and you throw it (along with caution, logic, a country’s hopes and everything else) to the Berlin wind and lunge madly at Italy’s Marco Materazzi’s rib cage?! That’s gangsta, brother.

The boys back in Nice and Lyon may have tossed every derogatory word they could come up with in your direction after you were ejected, but deep down, I know they approved of you getting your point (and skull) across. And ZiZi, what was that red card all about? Man, don’t even sweat it. They’ve been handing out those things like Pirates of the Caribbean tickets all tournament. I think they liked the color against their skin.

Anyways, guy, I won’t keep you. I know every paper and television station in Western Europe wants an interview with you. Don’t sweat questions about Internet rumors already circling about enraged fans wanting to shoot your family and burn your dog at the stake. It’s just gossip! Those are simply emotional folk who can’t accept the fact Italy won the world’s biggest team prize off penalty kicks. Trust me, it’ll all blow over a week or two before the 2010 Cup kicks off in South Africa. The threats will eventually stop. Teammate Thierry Henry won’t give you the silent treatment forever. Your countrymen’s tears will ultimately cease. Promise. The only thing that’ll remain is the footage of you barreling into that man’s chest. That’s classic stuff that’ll outlast thoughts of Ghana’s heroics, Brazil’s collapse and even host Germany’s warm welcome. And we owe it all to you! Zidane, keep your head up… Oops, maybe I should have phrased that a lil' differently.

Your New No. 1 Fan,

Dennis Rodman

Dennis Rodman